It’s Like An Invisible Neon Sign…


“My experience of abortion is so long ago… But the effects of it have been with my all my life.  I’ve told very few people about this experience – partly because I don’t want to become one of those people who ends up trying to justify abortion and partly because I can’t face having my friends and family, even after all this time, looking at me and just knowing.

It’s like an invisible neon sign. I can spot the same experience in other people a mile off and I am terrified that they will recognise it in me.

It staggers me that even my closest friends haven’t picked it up yet and part of me knows it is only a matter of time.  I’ve had numerous counselling sessions for all sorts of other issues as well as careers advice, skills training, leadership and management training to help me sort out what my true calling in life is. Certainly it has all helped and I have managed a fairly credible career…

but there remains a part of me that just doesn’t believe I really am who I say I am.

I once heard someone describe alcoholism like a circling shark and I’d describe carrying the knowledge of abortion in the same way.

It really is like a shark that circles around then goes away again. You know it will be back, each time a bit closer and because I am ‘trailing blood’, it always knows where to find me. My hope is that, over time, something will work and I will finally get beyond it.

Realistically, I know that for me, this particular shark is always going to be in my life and even if I stopped trailing blood, I know that sooner or later it would find me again. What I hope for now, is that when it does, it will no longer be hungry – it will just swim away.”

If this story feels familiar, or has raised issues for you, we are here to help.  For confidential support and advice contact us or phone 04 974 8693 or 027 254 9222


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